"Consider the freedom of chastity."
Recently, a young man told me his sad story. Two years ago Hank was in high school, a star football player with several college scholarships lined-up. Then a series of events turned it all around: his sometime-girlfriend got pregnant. They moved in together for the sake of the child, but it didn’t work out. Eventually, she started going out with someone else. Hank got jealous, hunted the guy down, jumped him and beat him up. Now Hank was being charged for assault and battery.
He looked old for his young age--haggard, worn and shell shocked. He said, "You never think these things are going to happen to you. I thought I had my future all sewed up; I had everything. Now I have nothing."
"You might want to consider the freedom of chastity." As I said these words I could tell it was a major revelation to him. I added, "Think of it this way--you’ll know exactly where your seed is at all times."
It was obvious that Hank had never before considered the possibility of waiting to engage in sex until marriage. He thought for a moment, and then said, "It sure is, isn’t it? It’s the ultimate freedom!"
"If we have no values to transmit to our young, we need not be surprised that we live in an increasingly valueless age."
George Roche III
Most youth, like Hank, were never taught a better way.
"Surely, these young people cannot be blamed," wrote George Roche III, president of Hillsdale College, "for the direction of our society. Surely, a system which produces young people, some of whom cannot read, many of whom cannot think, and most of whom lack knowledge of their own heritage and the moral values which underlie it, is a system which needs serious attention." (Education in America, p.5)
Decisions that Bring Lasting Joy
Often I use this demonstration in teaching: I put a candy bar, a handful of various coins, a dollar, and a hundred-dollar bill on the table. I then ask the youth, "If I were to give you a choice of these items which one would you choose?"
The answer is always, "The hundred-dollar bill."
Then I ask, "Who has a three-year-old brother or sister?"
When someone raises their hand, I ask, "What do you think he or she would choose?"
The answer, "The candy bar."
"But a hundred candy bars could be purchased with the hundred-dollar bill, right? What could you do to help him make a wiser decision?" I ask.
The usual response, "I could advise him to pick the hundred-dollar bill and we could go to the store and buy all the candy bars he ever wanted."
I then say, "There are lots of choices in this life. Every day we make choices based upon what we think is the most valuable, and what will bring us the most happiness. Wouldn’t it be a shame if we, like the little child, choose what will bring immediate gratification over what could bring lasting joy?"
Politicians have recently said to the youth, "Just say no to sex." Parents have always been saying, "Just say no to sex," but the children are asking, "Why?" As a youth, I deserved more information, and our children deserve more now.
The youth of America have a right to know their options. They have a right to know what ideas have seduced them into thinking that the only down sides to premarital sex are pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. They have a right to a wider view. They have a right to know the rewards of self-control and moral virtue: self-respect, freedom to be a friend and have friends, spiritual strength, honorable love and marriage, sexual fulfillment (intimacy of mind, heart, soul and body), children’s respect and confidence.
They have a right to know the clear difference between having sex and making love. They have a right to know that there are other sexually transmitted diseases that affect the heart, mind and soul. They have a right to be warned of abusive relationships masquerading as love, and of the dark side of passion that seems titillatingly exciting on the surface, but leaves a deadly hangover. They need to know that pretending love for selfish conquests may lead to being unable to love at all. They need to know that they cannot use and abuse another human being without first abusing themselves. They need to understand that when conscience is shut down in order to feel good about doing bad, eventually it does just that--shuts down--leaving them without an inner guide. They need to know that there’s a force that would twist the powers to love, honor and cherish into powers to hate, dishonor and despise. They need to know that the monsters who use their sexual powers to inflict pain were never born that way; monsters become monsters one step at a time.
This book is the result of a forty-year search for the answers to the question, "Why?" It answers the questions that, as a youth, I never knew to ask. It exposes the dangers of casual and exploitive sex, and explores the wealth of enlightened chastity--for the individual, friendships, marriages, families and society. It’s a journey to explore insights that will assist in making responsible and ethical sexual decisions.
Ultimately, each one of us must make the decision of how we will use the god-given gift of sexuality. This decision—one of the most important decisions of our lives—deserves the journey to understanding. This book is dedicated to every curious teenager who wants to hear more than "no" and for every parent, teacher or youth leader who must answer the question "Why?"
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